Alright guys! I’ve got my yoga pants on, scarves are just an arm’s-length away (in the event that the weather drops below 85 degrees!), new suede booties just arrived in the mail, Gilmore Girls is on constant replay, and I’ve had a PSL. This white girl is ready for FALL!!!
Come on, it’s hard not to poke fun at the Fall craze that we women, everywhere, are bringing about, but truly, Fall is my favorite time of year. Maybe it’s because my favorite memories took place during Fall, maybe I just love the crisp Autumn air, or maybe it’s because I have a vagina. We may never know.
All I know, for sure, is that women are like werewolves. Once September rolls around, we absolutely lose our minds fighting for the perfect leaf selfie (You know the one – where you’re just snapping shots of your damn cute shoes standing on top of dead leaves. You’re not fooling anyone, Becca, go inside and put your busted sneakers back on) and we forget that pumpkin is actually disgusting, but we absolutely have to have it in and on everything, or we’ll just die!
So yes, my internal clock turned orange, and on September 1st, my Fall décor exploded out of the house, invading the streets and my neighbors’ eyes, tauntingly reminding them that we’re in the South, and we may never truly see Fall.
I literally teared up writing that. And, I literally just said literally. Literally.
Sadly, living in the south is what I imagine hell’s front doorstep to feel like – hot as you know what! ALL YEAR!!
Now, weather, I can’t put on my cutest outfits if you don’t cooperate. So, if you could just get your shiz together long enough for me to comfortably sip my latte while strutting down the streets in my little faux leather pants, booties, faux flannel shirt (for that cute, but ‘I have no intention of ever being out-doorsy’ look) and paper-thin, cashmere sweater so that I can complain that I’m cold, I’d really appreciate it.
Anyway, I’ve decided I’m faking Fall this year. So, to hell with your 90 degrees! It’s apple picking season!
Ok. Let’s get one thing straight, here. It’s just a coincidence that prime apple picking season is during the season of ‘female change,’ but apples are delicious, and if there happens to be a corn maze and a s*!t -ton of pumpkins in the same area, so be it. Plus, it’s in the mountains, and the mountains are beautiful, and there’s a cute goat, and the farmers are adorable. So there. Now, that’s some female logic for you!
Thus, we head to the orchards, where our quest now becomes – inhale apple EVERYTHING! Screw the pumpkins! And we do…and feel sick and full of regret the whole way home. But, we did get some delicious apples, and it really was a beautiful day spent with the man I love. Honestly, what more could a girl ask for?
So, after a little sunburn, a lot of sugar and some strange encounters with “the mountain folk,” we made it home with a ton of delicious apples. And what do you do with fresh apples? You make apple pie…stay tuned!
Apologies for the three photos taken on my ancient cell phone. It kind of messes with the eyes :/